When I was a kid I loved static electricity. I used to lay in bed at night under a fluffy blanket and amaze myself with the sparks I could make (somehow that sounded dirty, but I promise it wasn't). Then there was the time I had a slumber party and my daddy took what seemed like hundreds of balloons, blew them up, rubbed them on his head (he had hair back then), and stuck them all over the ceiling in the living room. All of us little party animals in princess pajamas slept under that canopy of hairy balloons and while we were happily dreaming of what it would be like to be Smurfette all the balloons drifted down on top of us. When we woke up the next morning we were covered in a blanket of balloons. It was like magic! And oh my goodness what fun my brother, sister and I had sliding around the house in our sock feet building up a charge and then sneaking up and shocking the crapola out of each other. Good times, good times.
Well things have changed. I no longer like static electricity. In fact I am starting to loathe it. It messes with my skirts. It messes with my hair. It makes me accidentally shock the daylights out of people (mostly myself) and since I'm officially old it's just not funny anymore. It's annoying. But apparently we chose to live in the center of where all static electricity in the universe dwells because no matter what I do I get shocked. If I touch a door, it shocks me. If I touch a car, it shocks me. If I touch my computer it shocks me so bad I keep to check and see if my eyebrows were blown off.
I'm not the only one being stalked by the static. Brookie often looks like she stuck her finger in a light socket. Man oh man that child's hair can stand on end. It's amazing really. And the last time Madame Dog went out to potty she came back with so much static charged dry grass stuck to her that she looked like a tiny scarecrow (of course Mighty Dog is still the one that needs to petition the Wizard for a brain).
Speaking of my dogs, if I don't figure out how to stop this shocking madness soon they are going to run away (I have shocked them so many times that they now look at me suspiciously if I get within ten feet of them). Then I'll have to resort to a pet elephant or rhino so that their tough skin will protect them from my jolts. Of course the thought of the Dave's face the first time the rhino hiked it's leg on his shoes makes that idea almost fun, but I like my dogs so I'd rather just stop zapping them.
So does anyone out there have any ideas on how I can stop the static madness?
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5 comments:
Well I can tell you what I do....I start our every morning somehow static free, but by the time I get out of my car at daycare to drop Bratty boy off, it attacks me, so if the slacks I wear have pockets in them I just stick a dryer sheet in my pocket, and in my jacket pocket, or tucked into the top of my knee highs..it helps.
But it isn't a cure...but I find if I stay in bed all day never to step foot on the carpet or get dressed...I avoid the static all together. (please note that on the days I don't get outta bed, my children and Scotty seem to static cling to me....NO REST FOR THE WICKED!)
I am eager to see everyone else's solutions!!!
When my hair is going crazy and full of static, I rub it with a dryer sheet. It takes the crazies right out of my hair!
Oh, static. It is the only thing I hate about winter. I don't know how many times I have put my kids' jammies on only to hear, "Hey, momma...I found one of your socks in my jammies!" The worst is walking up to a chalkboard on a carpet floor to grab a marker or chalk. You can hear the shock! Which is then promptly followed by 26 giggling kids. Brats.
I will say I don't leave home without Static Guard. I go through a bottle each winter. I use it on my clothes and hair. It is a lifesaver. Just spray a little on your hands or brush and it will tame the beast. It is safe for pets too. Just don't get crazy. :)
jax- Didn't you know it was rude to make your comment funnier and more entertaining than the actual post? Geez. Oh I kid. You really are too funny. I've tried the drier sheet though and it works for my hair, but doesn't do much to stop me from shocking the crud outta myself.
kristin- That does work! I do that with Brookie a lot.
Angie- Okay I have to buy some of that. I don't think I've ever tried it. I wonder if the store is still open...nope it's after eight(gotta love living in a small town).
Well I wasn't trying to be funny...but since we our discussing such a SHOCKING topic....you seriously have the funniest dad ever..remember when we were kids ( I know it's like two and a half decades ago, but work with me here missy!) and he would make us follow him to the barn and hold that big board when he tripping the breakers? For us to smack him with if he ever got electrocuted...thank goodness it never came to that because we would of just screamed and ran.
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