As soon as I get the girls straightened out I have got to get myself to the girly doctor, and by girly doctor I mean the one that has the stirrups and the gloves (sorry Dad) (and any other unsuspecting male that stumbled upon my blog). I need to get my hormones checked out. Something weird is going on. It could just be stress, but man, my body is going KUH-RAY-ZEE! I am emotional, my face is breaking out, and I have so many periods now that I could be the Declaration of Independence. Only if I were it would read something like this...
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Chocolate.
Don't be offended. It's just the hormones talking. Plus, the words chocolate and happiness are pretty much interchangeable anyway.
Speaking of happiness, my mom gave me the prettiest bracelet for a belated birthday present last weekend which made me very happy. It was made of sterling silver beads and would have gone with just about everything. Notice how I used the past tense when I described my new bracelet? I bet you are wondering why. I know my mom is.
Well, it's like this. I was in the bathroom today at work and when I was finished taking caring of my girly business (sorry again Dad) (and random strange men) I went to wipe and my bracelet slipped right off my wrist and landed in the potty with an impressive splash that my bottom did not appreciate. I sat there for a moment in stunned silence, looking down at my beautiful new bracelet resting at the bottom of the toilet. I wanted to reach right down and grab it, but ewww. So I thought to myself, oh I know! We have gloves in the nurses office. I'll just run and grab a pair of those and then fish it out. My brilliant plan would have worked too, but I was forgetting one thing.
Automatic toilets.
Yes, that's right. Our school went all twenty-first century this summer and as soon as I stood up it was bye-bye bracelet, hello Christy screaming in horror and jumping around with her pants around her ankles.
Curses on you futuristic toilet! Did it ever occur to you that I might not be finished pottying yet? Maybe I was just getting up to stretch or maybe my left cheek was going to sleep and I needed to move around a little or MAYBE, just MAYBE my lovely new bracelet that my mom gave me for my birthday fell into your evil, watery bowels (no pun intended) and MAYBE I wanted it back. But noooo, you just had to get into a hurry to show off and flush before I was ready.
Okay. It just occurred to me that I was talking to a toilet. A toilet that I seriously doubt reads my blog. See what I mean by hormonal?
All men may be created equal, but all toilets are not.
(And I could really use some of that chocolate about now)
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8 comments:
OMG! That is HILARIOUS! It's just what I needed today....TY TY TY!!!!
I'm the same way with chocolate!
We have the evil 21st century toilets too, which will occasionally randomly flush 3.6 seconds after you sit down, so you end up with a nice splashy butt.
That's hilarious!! Sorry about your bracelet though!
Oh I'm soooooo sorry about your bracelet. Those darned automatic toilets!!
Maybe we should turn in a request to install our new 21st century telephone in our restroom. You could have called me to go and seek the gloves.....on second thought....that probably wouldn't be a great idea b/c even if you dialed my room extension and asked me for help, our lovely 21st century phone system would have found a way to mix up the lines/connections and it could have been announced district wide that you were seeking helping in the bathroom to retrieve something from the potty!
(Sorry you lost your bracelet.)
THAT is too funny! Normally I enjoy the automatic toilet, but probably not so much if I had a bracelet inside of one. LOL
I am so used to the auto toilets, when I use any other toilet I stand up and expect it to flush for me. Look how lazy I have become!
"as soon as I stood up it was bye-bye bracelet, hello Christy screaming in horror and jumping around with her pants around her ankles."
"splashy butt"
I'm rollin' here! You may not know this about me, but I have a poo-poo permit, aka wastewater license. I know, I know...but it's a long story!
Anyway Munday has a lagoon wastewater system and you seriously need to ask the operator if your bracelet got caught in the screen. BUT, who knows what the acid has already done to it! I'm so sorry!
But, hey, thanks for the hilarious post. Can I buy you a new bracelet for a really belated b-day gift?
I am laughing SO hard right now! Yea...I've had my run-in with one of these over-eager toilets, myself! ONLY with my toddler who was potty training. That set us back a few weeks! (months!) She wouldn't pee in a public place for a long time because the first time she sat on one, it couldn't "see" her tiny little body and sucked the potty seat paper cover out from under her! LOL It was hysterical, but I had to peel her off of me like a biore pore strip afterwards! LOL Thanks for the funny blog! Love it! Your Fellow Blogger...Sharon
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