Tact and Opinion

It was early and the bell had not yet announced the beginning of another day of academic adventures. I was talking to Cookie (my youngest) and setting up for my first reading group when Mr. M walked into my classroom. Mr. M was there to spend the day observing me teach. Mr. M had on cologne.

Strong cologne.

A lot of strong cologne.

My eyes watered and my nose begged for permission to defend itself by a sneak sneeze attack. i held my nose at bay by shoving a white Kleenex of truce under it (thank goodness it took the hint) and then I greeted Mr. M.

A few moments later he wandered over to the other side of my classroom (my class is divided by a 3/4 wall...one half is mine and one is the speech therapist's). As soon as he was out of sight I made a face, held my nose, mimed that I was choking, and fake gagged...gaaaggaaaakkkk.

Cookie looks at me and LOUDLY says, "Mom, why are you going gaaaaggaaakkk?" She mimicked my gagging sounds perfectly, the only difference being that I was whispering and she wasn't. Of course I instantly wanted to jump out the window and hide myself in shame. Instead, I foolishly stayed in the room so that my child...the fruit of my loins (do girls have loins?) could continue to humiliate me. I tried in vain to shush her.

"What? I can't hear you! And why are you holding your nose? I don't stink. You made me take a bath." I quickly dropped my fingers from my nose and shushed her again, this time by making frantic motions that said, "shut up right now or I will sell you to the gypsies." Apparently she doesn't read frantic, retarded sign language...or maybe she just likes gypsies...I don't know, but for whatever reason she didn't hush. Oh no. She didn't hush.

"Ohhhh...you think that man stinks don't you? Well I don't. I think he smells GOOD (little suck up) and he made your whole room smell good too. I wish I could stay in here and smell him all day with you."

At this point I clamped my hand over her mouth and looked around for some duct tape. She was in luck, I was fresh out. I was still furiously whispering to just hush when the bell rang. I kissed her good-bye, wished her a good day and sat down at my table to blush, fret, contemplate my limited hiding places and then blush some more.

I know better than to act that way. I taught my daughter a horrible lesson by making fun of the strength of his cologne. Don't worry though. Mr. M paid me back by sitting right beside me while I taught and by putting on even more cologne each and every time he left my room...and he left a lot people. It's been eight hours since he left and my nose is still weeping and begging for therapy.


Moral of this story? Teach your children to shut up.

Okay, okay...that was a joke. The real moral is that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I mean that (preaching at myself here, not you). That was a rule my mom pounded into us and I tell my children the same thing. I am constantly amazed at how mean children can be to one another at school and often wonder if they realize the power of their words. Then I have to remind myself that they learn their behavior somewhere. Children are little sponges. Everything we do teaches them a lesson. Sometimes those lessons are good. Sometimes those lessons are bad. The choice of what we are teaching is really ours.

(Of course it wouldn't hurt Cookie to learn when to hush either! At what age do they develop tact?")



Side note: I am extremely sensitive to smells of all kinds and colognes/perfumes are the worst. They make me sick to my stomach and give me a headache. I am sure that Mr. M had on a normal amount of cologne, and I meant no disrespect to him. I have a feeling that he doesn't read Mommy blogs anyway, but knowing my luck he'll start today.