"Hey mom, I learned something. Wanna see?"
"Mmmhmm, sure baby, but wear a life jacket. It can be rough at sea." My eyes never left the screen (I'm sorry, but have you seen that man's butt?).
"Mommmm...you aren't listening to me!" Peeking over the top of the screen I can see her standing there with one hand on her hip and a look that she inherited from my mother on her face.
"Honey, I've told you a million times, if you want my attention when I am day dreaming you have to call me Heidi...or Ms. Klum." She did not look amused.
"MOM!" Now her tiny little foot was tapping (I swear she can channel her Mumsie).
"Okay, okay. What did you learn?"
"I learned how to use a hooker." Wow. Kids really do grow up fast these days.
"Umm, okay. How did you learn that?" She had my attention now.
"Daddy showed me." Oh he was in big trouble now. We were definitely not playing Heidi and Kenny later.
"And what exactly did Daddy tell you to do with a hooker?" My eyebrows were hovering somewhere up in my hairline .
"You have to come to my room. That's where the hooker is." I generally try to avoid going into her room because I am afraid of what might be hiding under the mess. Although I usually imagine a litter of homeless kittens or Grandma Lulu's missing dentures, not a hooker. Curiosity got the better of me this time and I followed her into her room with much trepidation.
When she picked up a hanger and started hanging up a dress I had to smile. "Baby that is a hanger not a hooker." She shrugged and said, "same thing." Ahh to be young again.
Thank goodness I don't have to teach her paying for sex is wrong (yet). Now we just have to work on that lying. Cause I know darn good and well her dad didn't show her how to hang something up. I'm pretty sure the man doesn't know how. I wonder if Heidi ever has days like this...
if she's lucky she does.
7 comments:
Hahaha I LOVED IT....now I am anxiously awaiting your next blog...hmmmmm not sure what is worse...two girls or two boys....hahaha anyway I LOVED IT!
Always, Jax
PLEASE tell me you really have a Grandma Lulu...
If I see the butt of Sir Chesney I cannot look away, can't do it.I have an ongoing argument with a woman in town about whether Skenny is gay or not and even though she is MUCHMUCHMUCH bigger than me I have slapped her on the arm thrice for calling him gay.I must defend his honor.You see,SKEnny will be my next husband if (God forbid)anything ever happen to Samuel.
He is NOT gay. Gosh. What woman could think that??? God wouldn't give a gay man that butt. Sheesh.
I can't stop laughing about "playing Heidi and Kenny later"!!!
Here's my question - Was the hooker drinking a martini?
Speaking of butts - you gotta check out Marlboro Man over at thepioneerwoman.com You won't be disappointed!
Marty- My dad's mama.
JJ- No she wasn't drinking a Martini, it was iced tea, I swear!!! Hee hee, that still cracks me up.
Heading to check out that butt right now...
I am blushing!!!
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