Not So Pretty in Pink

Those of you who know us personally know that my husband Dave is a conservative man. Actually the word conservative doesn't quite do him justice. I'm pretty sure if he'd bumped into Moses on his way down from Mount Sinai with the ten commandments he'd have told the man to shave, cut his hair, and to put on some different shoes because real men don't wear open toed sandals.

Often the girls and I have to adjust our sense of fashion to make sure we meet his strict standards. There are the obvious rules like no tattoos or body piercings (other than the ears). Then there are a few rules that seem to border on the extreme. For example, we aren't allowed to wear toe rings or ankle bracelets. Don't ask me why, because I can't really understand it myself. If I were to ask him for you, he'd just say something like, "If God wanted people to look at your feet he'd have put them where your hands are."

Last Christmas I bought both Brookie and her cousin Bailey these Hannah Montana hair coloring kits. The kits had this little device that brushed 'color' on your hair in streaks and then you wash it out. It wasn't permanent. In my mind it was just harmless fun. In his mind I'm not sure there is such a thing as harmless OR fun. It's seven months later and he still hasn't let Brookie open her kit. He absolutely refuses to let her have an 'unnatural' color to her hair and thinks I am just giving putting bad ideas into her head.

Last week the girls and I had to kill several hours while we waited for Dave to get out of a meeting. So I took Brookie to get a much needed haircut. (She got the cutest little wedge cut. I just love it on her.) When Jacie finished with Brookie's hair she showed her these hair extensions they had on sale. They were made from real hair (I didn't ask whose hair it was. I didn't want to know) and were all different colors. Well of course Brookie fell in LOVE with the bright pink hair and just had to have it. Being a loving, subservient wife that obeys her husband and respects his wishes I immediately said yes. So Jacie styled Brookies hair with the extension clipped in. She even cut the pink hair to go with her wedge. It looked so real!

In fact it looked so real that I started to get nervous. As we walked through the mall and I saw all the grandmothers giving me the 'your a terrible mother' eye, I began imagining Dave's reaction. Brookie was imagining it too, only she couldn't wait! She kept saying, 'you can't tell him it's fake. We have to trick him for a little while. Okay mom? Okay??" I agreed to go along with it unless dad got too upset, then we had to tell him.

So a few minutes later we pull up to the service center where we were supposed to meet. He was standing by the school suburban and was with a bunch of the teachers from his campus. Brookie was giddy with excitement. She kept saying over and over, "don't tell him mom! This is going to be sooo great." (The child has a little rebellious streak in her I think). We get out of our suburban and start walking towards him and his staff. My eyes are glued to his face so I see the exact moment that he notices her hair. I could see his eyes narrow and his jaw clench.

I had promised Brookie that I'd play along, but one look at his face changed my mind. Before he could say a word I blurted out, "It's fake!!!" Brookie was so annoyed with me for ruining her fun, but I couldn't help it people. I was born without her push the envelope nature. I am a pleaser. And also, I'm a big chicken!

When we got back in our car he made sure that we all knew that he doesn't her hair, fake or not and that she is not going to be wearing it back home. Brookie listens to him and then calmly informs him that as soon as she is old, like 30 (that was her idea of old?) she is going to get blue hair and there is nothing he can do about it. Of course he tells her that she won't be coming into any house of his with blue hair whether she is 30 or 80.

Can you imagine what it's going to be like when she is a teenager? I'm guessing it's not going to be fun. Of course I may not live long enough to see it. I am 35 already and apparently that's five years past OLD.